Report: The Bidens’ Dogs Are Biting Because Joe and Jill Don’t Trust the Secret Service

Gary Varvel /
Gary Varvel /

It turns out that Joe and Jill Biden’s abused dog, named Commander has bitten more White House staffers and Secret Service agents than previously reported. Commander was just banished from the White House after a picture was snapped of the bloodthirsty beast viciously trying to tear the arm of an elderly staffer in the Rose Garden. Everyone has been speculating as to why the Biden’s dogs are so hungry for the taste of human flesh. The speculation can end now because we have proof.

Many have speculated that Joe and Jill Biden are animal abusers. White House sources have confirmed to Judicial Watch that this is true. Here’s what Judicial Watch reported this week:

“According to a Judicial Watch source, President Biden has mistreated his dogs. Judicial Watch has learned he has punched and kicked his dogs.”

Video of this emerged on a background shot on Harris Faulkner’s show on Fox News. In the video, you can see Joe Biden in a rare moment of being able to keep his balance. You can clearly see Joe Biden delivering a vicious judo kick to the side of a 2-year-old Commander’s head as they’re getting off of Marine One.

Shocking. We already knew that Joe Biden has a thing for abusing 2-year-olds, but we didn’t know it extended to dogs.

But it goes much deeper than that. When reporting on the latest instance of Commander biting the elderly White House staffer, CNN noted that the relationship between Joe and Jill Biden and the Secret Service has grown increasingly strained. Joe and Jill are paranoid that the Secret Service is loyal to Donald Trump.

Gee, where would they get that idea? On the one hand, the Secret Service agents probably do miss Donald and Melania Trump. They’re kind, warm, generous, and decent people to work for. Joe and Jill Biden are nasty entitled white liberals who are always scolding “the help.” The Bidens’ dogs are picking up on their animosity toward the Secret Service, and that causes them to attack.

Joe Biden has had a contentious relationship with the Secret Service for years, dating back to when he was Barack Obama’s vice president. Former Vice President “No-Please-Stop-Daddy-I’m-in-the-Shower” used to go for a nude swim every single day. For the female Secret Service agents who were assigned to be “eyes on” and guarding the VP every day, this was a fate worse than death. Can you imagine landing such a prestigious job as being a Secret Service agent, only to have to guard Joe Biden as he’s prancing around naked? Ugh.

The Secret Service used to hold an annual Christmas party at the vice-presidential residence. During picture time in 2010, however, the always handsy Joe Biden grabbed the breast of a Secret Service agent’s girlfriend. The agent tried to punch Biden in the face and was reassigned. The annual Christmas party had to be cancelled until Mike Pence became vice president.

Sources at the Secret Service also complained that it is a logistical nightmare protecting the Bidens. The protective detail of Jill Biden and the separate detail guarding Kamala Harris’s husband are probably tripping over each other as the unlikely pair carries on their not-so-illicit affair. Weirdoes.

At least we have answers about the dog situation now. The Biden’s dogs are biting people because they are viciously abused, and because Joe and Jill Biden are deranged, paranoid and nasty around their Secret Service protective details. Someone should take those poor dogs away from animal abuser Joe Biden and place them in a loving home.